Shrubville

We've Moved

2005-08-01T10:55:00.000-05:00

I'm somewhat proud to announce that Shrubville has moved shop to our very own domain: www.shrubville.com.

Formatting enhancements will come slowly as we figure out the new system.

This blospot site will probably stick around for those who want to access the archives (and by "those" I mean "me"). A handy link will be provided on the new site.

Weekend Split Decision

2005-07-31T08:56:00.000-05:00

We here at Shrubville are more than happy to admit when Stantis has come up with something decent. In Saturday's strip Carmen tells Winslow to enjoy life, and he tells her he'll just wait for the DVD. Cute.

And then he has to go and throw out a strip that's just stupid.

In Sunday's strip, we see Winslow looking like Stantis's image of a Democrat - clueless. Then he looks like a moron, which is Shrubville's image of Republicans. The he looks like one of those Scotty dogs. Then he looks like he's taking a dump.

And what's the punchline? Winslow's trying to fly - USING HIS EARS. He's unsuccessful.

From where I'm sitting, this looks like Stantis saw this idea in another strip where one of the characters had ears big enough that people joked that he looked like if he flapped those things he could fly. So the character tried - and failed. Because, you know, people and animals can't fly with their ears. Well, except Dumbo.

Has anyone ever thought Winslow's ears were big enough for him to attempt flight? Has anyone even thought about Winslow's ears period?

Now if Stantinator had thought about this a minute, and was willing to let Carmen be the butt of a joke, he would have had the little girl on top of one of those weird rock formations, with Winslow standing behind her urging her to jump and "it'll be okay - I know it'll work." After much poking and prodding (and maybe even pushing), Carmen ends up in mid-air - and crashing to the ground. The punchline from Winslow: "I swear, I thought with those pigtails of yours you'd glide!" He'd have a devilish smile, knowing all along she would fail miserably. Because, as we neo-cons know, Dems want to see the Repubs fail.

But that's just me spitballing, and what do I know - I'm just a silly blogger. Not some big moneybags comic strip "writer/artist."

The Fatal Glass of Sneer

2005-07-29T12:10:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Boy, how about that weather. I'm not sure where you, dear reader, live, but here in my home town it's gorgeous outside. A nice weekend to stroll around town proudly displaying your "I'm With Liberal" T-shirt. Or your "I Sneer at You" T-shirt.

(T-shirts, coming soon! I swear!)

I'd comment about today's extremely unfunny and not-relevant-to-current-events strip, but then I'd risk the wrath of Sacki. That Sacki sure puts the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz in zing, doesn't he.

Anyway, as this is probably the end of the Howard Dean storyline, I'll leave you with my favorite Dean quote inspired by the exquisite "art" of Scott Stantis: Never give a sucker an even break.

Napoleon XIV

2005-07-28T10:17:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

It seems that this latest storyline in the Prickly City series has folks around here at Shrubville crankier than ol' Pablo and his socketwrench at the chopshop down in the barrio. It's old news, they say. It's not funny, they say. Boo friggin' hoo.

It's as funny as referencing Theresa Kerry-Heinz Granitza's "shove it" out of the blue. Or as topical as harkening back to The President having pretzel difficulties. Not as funny as a "Senator walks into a bar and the bartender asks 'Hey, John Kerry, why the long face?'" joke, however.

You'd think you folks would've had enough of Dr. Dean by now, anyhow. What's the deal with that - did you vote for him before you voted against him, and now regret the decision? Speaking of flip-floppers...

If it's possible that Mr. Stantis and/or Toby is reading this, I'd like to see their take on the latest flip-flop bra-ha-ha out of the White House. Seems a bunch of cornfed hussy LUGs spending $100,000/year at Northwestern University in pursuit of a "liberal-arts" "education" couldn't afford to buy shoes with tops on them. That's just another reason the Red Chinese will soon be taking over this country - they'd never allow feet to be shown in public like that.

Stantis Flings Poo

2005-07-27T11:10:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
I can't put it any better than the Furnace from yesterday: this Dean series is 100% pure diversionary tactics. It's all really rather sad but not entirely unexpected. It's how they operate. To hide the staggering elephant from public view they say, "Look over there! It's a donkey! Let's make fun of the donkey! Silly stupid donkey."

Diversions are everywhere these days. It's kind of a long story having something to do with a rain-delayed baseball game on TV, but I happened upon that Bill "Baba" O'Reilly show last night on the Fox News Channel. He was in the middle of gleefully detailing how the 'liberal' media is in trouble: PBS is now run by Republicans, Bill Moyers has retired, circulation is slipping for the L.A. Times and the Boston Globe, etc. etc. He said the message was loud and clear: "If you're anti-American, you're going down."

And just like -- in the span of two seconds -- he equated liberals with being anti-American and then he threatened them. With all that's going on in the world, this is what he's focusing on? Diversion.

But anyway, now I'm getting diverted from my point, which is Scott Stantis is a freak-show monkey boy who throws his own poo.

Blue in the Face - Whose, I Have No Idea

2005-07-26T06:45:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
So what do you do if you're a neo-con comic strip "artist" and the biggest story in the news two weeks ago is that George W. Two Term Mandate Bush's right-hand-man Karl Rove is fingered as the man behind outing a CIA agent?

Why, you go after Howard Dean of course.

Today Carmen and Winslow look at a poster of what is supposed to be Dr. Dean, except it looks more like W.C. Fields. Apparently in the eyes of Stantis every liberal is fat with a big round nose and little hair up top - which is why it looks nothing like Dean (note to Scott: if you're going to do a caricature, focus on that person's funniest feature - with Dean, it's his bizarre forced smile). The poster announces that Dean is on his "Blue State Tour" and that he's going to be in Prickly City despite its being in a red state. And, of course, a comment about how he'll scream - because, you know, the guy did that once. And "joking" about that never gets old.

Here's my problem with Stantis: not only does he not know how to poke fun at his own party by tackling the Rove case head on, he instead just flat out lies in order to make a joke. You see, Howard Dean isn't on a Blue State Tour. He's on a tour of ALL 50 states in an effort to unite the country instead of dividing it. But that doesn't make for the neo-con funny, so Stantis does what all good neo-cons do - he lies. And then tries (and fails) to make fun of the way the guy looks.

The sad part: I could forgive all this if Scoots could actually be funny when going after Dean. We all know THAT's never going to happen.

The Idea Till is Empty

2005-07-25T10:15:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

C
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B
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Curiouser and Curiouser

2005-07-24T07:56:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Carmen is trying to go somewhere, apparently either via airplane or, if she's in New York, the subway. Winslow, however, is on patrol - making her walk through an x-ray machine and running the dreaded wand up and down her American body. The Stantis message: even with all this extra security, none of us feel any safer.

That's right: Scott Stantis, LIBERAL.

I'm not sure what I did to deserve this, but this is the second time I've agreed with Stantis (although I don't consider myself a liberal - let's face it, as far right as the Republican Party has gone pretty much everybody in the country could be considered left of center). The Republicans and their Patriot Act and their knee-jerk reactions to terrorism want to turn the US into a police state, and Stantis recognizes this.

Is he finally seeing the light? Nah, I'm betting in Scooter's mind he thinks this is all part of the Liberal Conspiracy(c) to deny us our rights. But how can he? We all know Bush loves his Patriot Act, so much so that he wants a sequel. He's also so paranoid he's holding hundreds, if not thousands, of potentially innocent people down in G'itmo because they *might* be terrorists (have you heard of any convictions for terrorist acts? I haven't). And let's not forget the latest in fascism, the Real ID Card.

Maybe - just maybe - Stantis has stumbled on to something without knowing it. Maybe all this time Carmen has lived just over the border in Mexico, not New Mexico. She wants to cross the border, and Winslow won't let her without a thorough check. Could THAT be the solution? Monitoring our borders and ports to make sure the terrorists don't get in, instead of searching EVERY American already here because there's a slight slight chance that one of them might be a terrorist that, you know, illegally crossed the border?

Did Scoots think that up all by himself?

Nah, he probably just flew somewhere two weeks ago, got stopped and had to take off his shoes, and he's pissy about it.

Welcome to YOUR America, Stantis. Deal with it.

Horny

2005-07-23T08:12:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
For some bizarre reason, Winslow has sprouted a horn! What kind of coy political message is Stantis trying to send? That liberals are like the rhino, but with their horn pointing the wrong way so they'll continue to gore themselves?

Oh - wait - upon closer inspection, it looks like Winslow jammed a banana up his nose.

Hmm. It's even more disgusting than I thought. The message is obvious: Liberals like to shove things into orifices where they don't belong. Let's face it - Winslow's nose represents another hole where the sun don't shine, hence his insistence that the little girl go get "vaseline." Everyone knows that when you're a kid and you get your trusty Prickly City Decoder Ring(c) stuck on your finger mom would either grab butter or shortening. Her first thought isn't sex lube. So yeah, Stantis takes the low road and says once again that all Liberals are fairies who like to shove phallic symbols up their butts.

But you know what they say: the ones who hate homosexuality the most are usually gay themselves...and no I'm not implying that Scotty is gay. Nope. Guys who wear bow ties are NEVER gay. Never ever. I'm not looking at you, Tucker Carlson.

I Sneer at You

2005-07-22T11:00:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
I got nothing, people. Nada. Just like Stantis.

JB had a great idea the other day. T-shirts like Winslow's! If anyone can figure out cafepress, drop me a line with some design ideas.

I'm thinking two shirts, unless anyone else has any ideas to add.

Shrubville: I Sneer at You
Shrubville: Sinnical Optomist

Any and all proceeds would be sent to moveon.org or some other crazy liberal organization that gets Stantis' goat.

Swingin On the Flippity-Flop

2005-07-21T10:35:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

It's always a good way to start off the day to see a lovely young woman smiling in the comics, isn't it folks? I declare. Ostensibly she's glad that Judith Miller got thrown in the hoosegow for treasonous activity; maybe she can share some Doritos with her buddy Saddam while she's in there. But I'm sure there's more to it than that.

So what's she really smiling about? The fact that she is deeply content with 99.99% of all golf courses allowing her to play and doesn't care a Hootie that Augusta National Golf Club doesn't admit women as members? Possibly. Maybe she's reading a humorous recounting of the grunge hoax of '92 and laffing at such patently ridiculous reportage. I know I was slapping my knee over that one.

Eureka! That must be it! Thursday's food section. Catch of the day is in, and Winslow's been kind enough to share the editorial page of the Fishwrap of Record with her. (Sure, it's the desert, folks. That's why you gotta take the fresh fish while you can get it.)

Bra-Ha-Ha

2005-07-20T09:20:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Boy that was all rather scathing, wasn't it. While the right-wing of the GOP attacks Sandra Day O'Connor, Stantis fights the power, stands alone, and urges them to reconsider...

Oh, wait. That "storyline" is over. In terms of giving hell to the GOP -- as hinted at in his podcast -- on a scale of Boiling to Ice Cold, I give that a "Rather Fucking Tepid."

But it's time to moveon.org to today's delightful strip entitled Liberals Who Hate America are Sinnics [sic] and Not Optomists [sic].

What I don't understand about today is that Carmen claims she loves America so as to set herself apart from Winslow. But I'm sure that Winslow loves America too. Everyone who continues to live in America is required -- by political slogans on bumper stickers, lapel pins, and mini-pennants -- to love America. "America: Love it or Leave it." It's the law! Or at least it should be.

I've learned quite a bit about life through political slogans.

For instance, one time in the mid-90's during the Clinton years I was driving behind someone who had a bumper sticker that said "Don't Blame Me: I Voted for Bush." At the next stoplight I pulled up alongside the car, rolled down my window and said, "Pardonez-moi, Est-ce que vous avez du Grey Poupon? Oh? You don't? Well, I don't blame you; you voted for Bush." And we went off on our merry respective ways. (Though my sandwich was lacking that certain je-ne-sais-quoi without the mustard.)

Another time I followed the advice of a political slogan was early 2001. I saw someone on the television waving a placard that said "Sore Loserman." "Wow," I thought to myself, "those are some heavy-duty words to live by." And from that time I've been a very very very gracious loser. Thank you, placard-waver!

And finally, just the other day I was trying to figure out a place to take my family for vacation this summer when I ran across someone wearing a T-shirt that read "Club G'itmo: Your Tropical Retreat from the Stress of Jihad." How brilliant! I immediately ran to the internet to book my tickets.

So wave those pennants, wear those pins, sticker your cars. Liberals like me have a lot to learn.

Trailer Trash

2005-07-19T06:41:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
The little girl has stopped dancing on the soon-to-be-dug grave of Sandra Day O'Connor's gravely ill husband. Instead Carmen, obviously a big fan of that devil book "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone," today tries to do her own philosophizing.

It turns out that O'Connor wasn't the hard-right conservative that Reagan thought she would be (primarily on social issues, and we all know how much the con-artists - I'm sorry, "conservatives" - love those). Carmen's reaction: "You can respect the trailblazer, without respecting all of their trails."

And Winslow points out that she's making "no dang sense."

The coyote's right of course. How can you respect a trail? Do you place candles at the entrance and kneel to its greatness? Do you bow your head as you walk on it? Hold the door for it when you go into a fancy French bistro (that one's for liberals only)?

I know, I'm just being silly. What Carmen meant to say was, "That stupid bitch was supposed to make America one big red state and instead she *gasp* followed the law instead of letting politics get in the way. I hate her, but now that she's gone we can replace her with a REAL American. Probably a guy who loves to torture people."

Unfortunately there was one time that O'Connor did let politics get in the way - and that was in 2000, when she rubber-stamped Bush's appointment to the Presidency. And for that, she'll always be a conservative in my book.

ScalJu

2005-07-18T09:45:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Wow. Lookit Carmen move. I haven't seen her dance like this since she last did the Conga. Actually, I guess she did a little dance when she was singing about the brand new moral paradigm she's going to impose on everyone at the wishes of her creator, Lord Stantis.

At any rate, today she's all dance-y about Sandra Day O'Connor. The question is: Is she celebrating O'Connor's achievements or is she happy as a lark that O'Connor is retiring so Bush can appoint Scalia Jr. (You can call him ScalJu). "You go, girl!" could be read either way. Frankly, I think it's the latter, as that seems to be how the Neo-Cons are framing it. (For more information, check out Ann Coulter's 7/6/05 column "Reagan's Biggest Mistake Retires," or Charles Krackerheimer's [sic] 7/8/05 article "Philosophy for a Judge.")

I suppose we'll find out tomorrow. Stantis promised some GOP-bashing in his latest podcast. We'll see how far he takes it.

You Say PETA, I Say Pita

2005-07-17T07:32:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
When I first spoke with CJo about writing for Shrubville, he mentioned that I could tackle the weekend strips "if I was so inclined." Well, I would be more inclined if Stantis himself actually felt inclined to come up with something worth commenting on.

On Saturday he seems to have rehashed a PETA bashing. Which is actually fine by me - I think they're kinda nutty if you ask me. I likes me meat. Besides, the numbers he quotes are accurate and when pressed on the issue the PETA people had a limp ass response. And no, I'm not AmbertheBobcat.

Sunday is yet another single panel, although Scott does a quite a bit of drawing this time around (at least on half the panel). You see, while Winslow loves all of his hi-tech toys, Carmen is content to read the "subtle seductions" of the new Harry Potter book. A book which even the Pope knows is a tool of the devil. That would explain why so many adults dress up like warlocks and sorcerers and creepy old men wait in line alongside 11-year-olds for hours to buy the thing. How would Carmen's Christian Youth Group feel about this?? Potter's obviously a pansy liberal terrorist that must be monitored by the government because of his amazing super powers like all superhumans. I wonder with all of Stantis's's liberal leanings as of yet, maybe he has the little girl crossing over to the dark side.

***

And now it's time for the guessing game. If anyone reads this on a Sunday (and if you do, I pity you - but not as much as I pity myself), use the comments section to predict what Stantis will focus on this week with his strips. Will he talk about the "slump" at the box office? China's bid to buy Unocal? Sandra Day O'Connor's retirement form the Supreme Court? Chime in with your thoughts. But don't think too hard - because we know Scotty won't.

Told Ya So

2005-07-15T10:15:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
A Shrubville 'Told-Ya-So' Moment...

As we've been saying every weekday for the past 10 months...

"Scott Stantis is one lazy S.O.B."

Everything Counts In Large Amounts

2005-07-14T10:58:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

To begin, I would like to take a moment, as CJo did yesterday, to welcome Toby to the Shrubville if we are lucky enough to count him among our readers. And if he happens to be former baseball great Toby Harrah, the man with the palindromic name and the unique feat of playing a doubleheader at shortstop without a single fielding chance, so much the better.

At this time, which is not-so-coincidentally at present, I would like to take a moment to review and comment upon today's comic strip, this being the reason for which Shrubville exists. Eminent domain. Eminent. Domain. Take a sniff. Swirl it around on your tongue. Gurgle. Spit. Rancid taste, yes? The travesty of the liberal Supreme [sic] Court - nine persons, or in this case a mere five - striking down upon the American Experience with a mighty gavel of injustice. Every Johnny working at a Burger King in order to make mortgage payments on his bungalow and be an active participant in this, our great ownership society, has been dragged over the coals by this near-communisitic land grab ruling. If only the liberal-effete could lower their pinky fingers while enjoying their $100 bottles of wine, they might be able to see clearly how ridiculous this decision is. Then again, until somebody threatens to knock down their ivory tower, don't expect them to worry too much over it.

However, much like their peerless leader John Kerry (I'm not saying that his followers are losers like him, but if you want to draw that conclusion - I still believe in your Constitutional rights) there's one thing they forgot - they forgot Poland, or more accurately Poletown. Liberal courts, check. Free reign to Eminent Domain abuse, check. Realizing it's a mistake...well, let's hope it doesn't take 20 years this time.

Heya, Toby

2005-07-13T10:30:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
After surviving a repeat run-in with a bomping wrecking ball, Winslow and Carmen head over to Prickly City Hall to argue with a local bureaucrat about the coolness of eminent domain.

This is obviously one of those "advance the lame-ass storyline" strips. There's no funny. There's no point. Which means I ain't got nothing to say either.

Save for the fact they sneaked up the latest Podcast a couple days late!

It's a good one this week. But frankly, when is it ever not good? These guys sure know how to podcast.

Prickly City celebrated its one-year anniversary on 7/11, Stantis announced. I think yesterday's strip is a testament to his staying power in the funny pages. If he repeats all his past strips he can eke out...I dunno...another year. Congratulations, Scott Stantis.

Stantis' own personal Winslow, Toby, mentioned that he sometimes looks at what others are saying online about Prickly City. Could he be checking our site? (I doubt it since last time I checked we're on page 150 of a Google search for Prickly City.) But just in case, let's all give a big, warm welcome to Toby. Hi, Toby. Hope Scott is treating you well. Do me a favor, man. Next time Scott asks you to bring him a cup of coffee, replace it with a Latte. I bet he goes apeshit. At any rate, Toby, keep up the good work being a fake liberal. Catch 'ya later.

Scott also had a few words about his misspelling of optimist, for which he received a ton of emails. He defended his error by wondering if all his detractors were perfect. As if his detractors have a huge syndication contract to provide daily content to newspapers across the country. Bottom line, Scott: Have Toby check your spelling. (You hear that Toby? If you have any questions about any difficult words, please feel free to check in with us. Or, I suppose, you can look it up in a dictionary. You know, one of those big book thingies with the words and the definitions and, if you're lucky, pictures.)

Balls to the Ball

2005-07-12T07:34:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Panel 1: Winslow protests eminent domain abuse (abuse is the key word there). Panel 2: A wrecking ball whacks Winslow in the balls, knocking him clear to the 4th panel - meaning Panel 3 is blank. Then Winslow says "ouch."

Didn't I see this before in another strip? Help me out here - if anyone remembers a character getting hit by a wrecking ball, let me know.

I feel like CJo right now. If Winslow is a Dirty Liberal in favor of eminent domain, why isn't he the one driving the wrecking machine? I think we can all agree that eminent domain abuse is bad (you know, using it to knock down houses to clear the way for Wal-mart instead of for a hospital). But supposedly it's those Dirty Liberals trying to expand our government. Except the latest ruling by the Supremely Conservative Court doesn't have anything to do with government, it's clearing the way for corporations (I know - a HUGE shock when it comes to the Bush administration). So I guess in a way Stantis is right - Winslow should be the victim, since once again the little Liberal guy gets screwed over so big Conservative business can make more money.

But hey, violence is funny, right? But I thought the Religous Right were against violence? I guess it's okay against those Dirty Liberals.

Sorry, I'm as bankrupt as Stantis when it comes to being funny this morning. Maybe I could just steal another writer's work...anybody know of a blog about a comic strip about a wrecking ball?

Le Strip Comique de Shitte du Bull

2005-07-11T09:50:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Today's strip is such bullshit. But I'm afraid it's what we'll be up against as the Hard Right lobbies for O'Connor's (and, soon, Rehnquist's) replacement. The recent Supreme Court eminent domain decision will be twisted into a Liberal/Activist Judge issue and cited as a reason we need more Scalias and less Souters.

Winslow's lemonade stand has been "eminent domained" and taken over by Le Latte Shack. You see what he's done? He's turned a Supreme Court decision that is very friendly to BIG BUSINESS (like the Patron Store of the Red States: Wal-Mart) -- you remember Big Business...what the Grand Ole Party used to be about -- and made it about liberals and their lattes and their pro-French language stance. As I said: it's bullshit.

Co-op. Twist. Demonize. Ridicule. Attack attack attack. These are the watchwords of the New Right Moral Paradigm.

Baby Jesus weeps.

Dribbling

2005-07-09T07:04:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
6/21: NBA announces new labor agreement that raises the minimum draft age to 19.

6/28: NBA draft is held.

7/9: Scott Stantis makes fun of the new NBA draft rules.

Look, I understand that it's hard to remain on top of things when you're writing a comic strip. But if that's the case, why make a joke about something that has been out of the news for weeks? And about something that isn't even related to politics, where we can be more forgiving of the tardiness?

Then again, I guess it's better than more Howard Dean insanity jokes or Michael Moore fat jokes.

Mr. Manners

2005-07-08T08:30:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Oh, yes. Manners. That's right. That's the answer.

Manners as in "Fuck yourself"?

Or perhaps manners as in "major-league asshole"?

And what's next after manners? Offering therapy for the terrorists?

I'll tell you what we need. No frivolous amendments to the Constitution. And to those who don't agree with me, I say, "Shove it."

Not A Protracted Sacki

2005-07-07T09:48:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

Strip above.

Partisan bickering below.

Look Away. Look Away.

2005-07-06T13:10:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Silly silly, Winslow. Don't you know that Les Sproutes du Bruxelle are just absolutely delish when braised in Chablis? How a fellow liberal could be so anti-Les Sproutes du Bruxelle is beyond me. However, I am optomistic [sic] that you'll flip-flop on the issue and come out in support of Les Sproutes after you vote against them prior to previously supporting them and voting against them yet again before finally saying 'yes' to Brussels Sprouts.

At any rate, where were we? Oh yeah, Scott is riffing on the "flag burning" -- but not the disposal kind of flag burning -- amendment. I suppose he's talking about the "flag desecration" amendment, but if the dude can't spell optimist just imagine how he'd desecrate desecration.

Flag desecration, eh? Oh, I wish I was in Dixie. They know how to desecrate the flag. Hooray. Hooray.

It Tastes Like Burning

2005-07-05T06:56:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Over the years I've learned that for a story to work, the villain needs to at least be the equal of the hero. What fun is it if Hans is a dweeb that McClane throws off the building in the first ten minutes of "Die Hard?"

Today the folks at PC continue their debate on a constitutional amendment banning flag burning. Carmen says it's "disgusting," and Winslow counters that brussels sprouts are disgusting too, but you don't see us needing an amendment to stop burning them.

What was that? Was it Scott Stantis actually making a good point - and having Winslow do it? Ladies and gentlemen, Winslow may finally be achieving Hans Guber status in Prickly City. Who will stop him? Who can stop a liberal making coherent points? My lord, he even allows the coyote to point out that we haven't seen a flag burn in the States in ages!

Now I realize that at the end of the week Winslow will look the fool after being painted a Communist/Socialist/Terrorist/Anti-American-ist by neo-con Carmen. But we expect that out of Prickly City. What we don't expect is that the other side's points are actually made in a coherent manner, and it's about damn time.

But I'm left wondering: can brussels sprouts even burn?

No Rest for the Wicked

2005-07-04T09:35:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Ugh. So after tackling Saturday's leftovers (see below), Scooter has decided that the 4th of July - the one day when all Americans can celebrate the birth of the greatest nation in the history of the world - is the day to start a weeklong arc on flag burning. Scott Stantis: Divider, not a Uniter.

Instead of bashing Stantis, as is protocol, we here at Shrubville would like to spend the 4th of July celebrating that ALL Americans are great Americans, and that the United States is still a beacon of peace and freedom. We love all Americans - any color, any race, any religion, any political affiliation. Because that's what makes America great - we can have our differences, but we respect those differences and love our fellow man and woman.

America: Still the Best.

Leftovers

2005-07-02T08:01:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Join us now as Mr. Stantis continues to serve out strips that he couldn't expand into full storylines, mainly because they suck. Today Carmen is forced to walk through a metal detector just to get to ride the see-saw. Which actually isn't a bad idea for a comic - if it were three years ago. And who knows (I sure don't) - this strip could be that old. But with this being a holiday week (apparently Scott needs a week before the 4th of July weekend to prepare for his neo-con super-celebration) Stantis is getting together all of the bits and pieces from the fridge and dishing out whatever he can find in order to feed us hungry readers while he vacations in the Heartland of America.*

*Stantis resides in Alabama. He has a dog named Dogzilla (although no biographies say what kind of dog - I'm betting shitzu) and a penchant for bow ties, much like his idol Tucker Carlson (although Scott looks more like Tim Allen).

http://www.alabamabound.org/AuthorPages/StantisScott.htm

You know what would have been funny? If somehow Winslow was up in the air on the teeter-totter. Why is he up there with no one else on the other end??? That would be silly, and show that as a liberal he's always up on his high horse. At the very least it would have required another panel to explain why he was up there, ending the string of singles that Stantis keeps trotting out because he's lazy.

Oh, by the way, am I the only one that thought Winslow said, "Don't forget you run your SHOPS through the X-ray machine?" Sorry, that looks more like a P than an E to me, but it's early and I'm a product of the American education system.

Deep Thought of the Day: Did you know that the Bush Administration offered the 9/11 families $1.5 million each if they didn't sue the makers of the metal detectors and the airlines?

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2003-07-13-911-families-cover-usat_x.htm

In My Eyes

2005-07-01T10:32:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

Yesterday we saw Winslow 'holding out hope.' Today we find out he's a cynical optomist [sic]. (Thanks to the preponderance of unionized public school teachers who are in it just for the money, young pups today can't even spell 'optomist' correctly.) Typical of his ilk, glomming onto convenience and waiting for the mountain to come to them instead of going to the mountain. He's a symbol of the entitled new breed of liberals - the Lloyd Dobler generation, if you will.

What do these shiftless America-haters think, if one wants to be bold enough to explore their dark chasms? "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that." And so we find these 21st-century Doblers delaying adulthood, their cultural connections - nay, obligations - to marriage and childraising nearly nonexistent, allowing the U.S. to sink when they are relied upon to hold it up. As a result, the processing and selling of America to the Red Chinese has begun, while they continue lying around in their brand-name boxer shorts in an air-conditioned apartment playing their computer video games while this is happening. There's not a ghettoblaster big enough to hold over your head to get them to change their rotten attitudes - but if there were one, I'm sure it would be "Made in China."

Sink or Ask For A Lifeboat With Full Dinner Service

2005-06-30T10:30:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

I'm madder than a tree frog stuck in the salt flats about how much abuse Prickly City and its author, Scott Stantis, take around here. While it's been suggested that the writers here are "obsessively juvenile," I would suggest that the more apt description would be Juvenal-ly obsessed, as they seem less interested in the substance of matters and more interested in the "panem et circenses" of instant gratification. It's enough to make me more upset than a liberal who spilt his Chablis all over his hemp rug from Afghanistan.

So on to today's strip, which finds the dove in coyote's clothing shaking down the state for a subsidy in order to survive his non-market-driven venture, as is typical of the left with their gimme gimme hands out. "Contemporary liberals have a bad habit of confusing social cohesion with the volume of government transfers, as if the coercive pattern of taking and giving was the measure of order and the test of our hearts, " as the distinguished policy analyst for the Cato Institute, Will Wilkinson, has stated, and that is quite evident in the absurdity of Winslow the fadloving liberal clown opening a lawn mowing service in the middle of the desert. Perhaps if it were an illegal alien lookout post it would survive - and even thrive - but the need to cut grass in an arid environment just says: give me a break.

Suicide is Painless, Winslow

2005-06-29T09:20:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Well squeeze a tube of toothpaste, threaten me with a hammer, and put some diddies on a doggie, Stantis has flown the coop. He must be off to Branson, MO for another family vacation, leaving his faithful readers with half-baked, remainder-bin, sock-drawer, B-side, krap-ass strips. As one of his most faithful readers, I must say I am very disappointed. I haven't been this disappointed since Stantis made Dio disappear back on April 10, 2005. Dio hasn't been heard from since. Come back, Dio. Prickly City misses your flicking tongue and devil-worshipping ways.

You come back, too, Scott. The Neo-Cons are struggling without your mighty presence. They need someone to help re-link the war in Iraq to 9/11 after spending all their energy the last year denying they ever said there was a link.

MJ Funny or OJ Funny?

2005-06-28T07:30:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Poor Scott Stantis. He tries so hard.

Except yesterday. The strip still makes NO sense to me. I'll have to trust CJo that it was a tube of toothpaste, but I have to believe it was something more sinister. What, I have no idea. And, of course, neither does Stantis.

Today he goes after that oh-so-easy-to-bash Liberal bastion, California. That's right, the home of plastic surgery, tofu, Charlton Heston, Ah-nold, and Discovery Channel Greatest American Ronald Reagan (oh - wait - scratch those last three) is the reason why Michael Jackson got off (so to speak). Because ya see, they let those libs get away with murder (OJ and Barretta) and pedophilia (MJ) in La-La Land.

Except for Scott Peterson. Isn't he getting the death penalty?

Wait, California - home of such Democrats as Bennifer Affleck - has the death penalty? Is that right?

And we see once again that Stantis has missed the point. It's not "liberal" California and its Republican governor. I think most smart people (and even some dummies) realize that it's the cult of celebrity that gets these jokers off the hook. Do you think if some weirdo who didn't record "Bad" but slept with kids would go home at the end of the day? Of course not. But not in the mind of Stantis. If you're a killer or a rapist and you commit a crime Cal-eee-fornia is the place you wanna be. Unfortunately not being able to draw or write isn't a crime. But it should be.

Now if I've learned anything these past few weeks it's that if you're going to go missing, make sure you're a pretty white woman. It's too bad Osama isn't one or we would have caught him by now.

It's Hammer Time

2005-06-27T09:50:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Dear Friends of Shrubville:

Please take a moment to scroll down. Lookie that! A Saturday post! By a new writer!

Yes, sir and/or ma'am: The Furnace has joined the ranks of the obsessively juvenile here at Shrubville. Look for The Furnance's fine work on Tuesdays and -- when the spirit moves him -- on weekends.

Of course, I wish The Furnace was tackling today's strip. Or maybe I can call up Sacki and pretend I'm "on assignment" and ask if he can fill-in on an emergency basis. Because, good gawd, is today ever mystifying.

But I guess I'll have to give it a shot. From what I can gather, Winslow has attached a rubber hose to a tube of toothpaste and he's trying to siphon off some paste from the full tube. So, like, the toothpaste tube is the American people, I guess. And Winslow, the Democrat, is using the Rubber Hose of Taxation to siphon off money from hard-working Americans. On top of that, Winslow is threatening the American people with a hammer! "Pay up, hard-working Americans, or I'll hammer 'ya!"

You know what comes after taxin', don't you? Spendin'. Look for new liberal programs on PBS/NPR after Winslow gets a hold of all that toothpaste.

Concessions

2005-06-25T09:04:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Just days ago CJo approached me with an intriguing idea - would I apply the energy I usually devote to nonsensical comments on Scott Stantis's comic strip to actually write as a member of the Shrubville Blogging Team? Could I keep the bile down long enough to actually churn out a few hundred words? After much tossing and turning (while awake), I agreed to step into the cow patty and offer up my thoughts. And now, much like J-Lo in that crappy "Cell" movie, I'm putting on the suit and going where only a few dare to go - into the "mind" of Scooter McStantis.

And yes, I'm choosing a Saturday strip in case it sucks so nobody sees it.

But boy, did I pick a doozie of a strip to start with. Unbelievably, Stantis continues with the week long storyline featuring Carmen, the cheater - sad and angry she's losing & Winslow, the gloater - angry yet happy that he lost out on naming the team because Carmen's team sucks without him. Now as far as I can tell, Scooter uses this strip as some kind of metaphor for politics from the neo-conservative angle. However, Saturday's strip is an odd bird.

You see, Stantis admits that Carmen - ie, the Republicans - cheat.

But for some reason, instead of pleading with Winslow to be ANGRY and disappointed, she thinks the coyote should be "sad." Why? If I find out some chick playing soccer just shin-kicked my daughter to score an easy goal, I sure as heck ain't feeling sorry for the kicker, my sympathy is with the kickee. But that's not how Scottsman thinks, and hence that's not what Carmen thinks. But then of course things come back to the election, and Winslow - who like all Democrats "can't let things go" - continues to gloat. Why? Because Carmen's a cheater? Or because Carmen, who took her eyes off the ball (*cough*catching Osama*cough), is a big loser? It doesn't really matter, because Carmen's natural reaction is to cheat once more, sucker-balling Winslow.

What does it all mean? Using my trusty Prickly City Decoder Ring (patent pending), this is how I, The Furnace, see it: the Republicans screwed up. But it's not their fault - it's never their fault. Instead we should feel for them, sympathize with them, and encourage them to do better. Even if they cheat. And lose. But Democrats are too busy celebrating the Republican loss and how their foes got caught cheating to take advantage of the situation. And no matter what, the Republicans will continue to cheat in order to try to make themselves feel better.

And you know what? For the first time in his life, Scott Stantis got it right.

Congrats Stant - by accident (I'm sure it wasn't design), you summed up the political scene. Granted you buried it in a Saturday strip that no one will read, but you finally hit the nail on the head. Republicans are cheaters and losers, and Democrats are happy for it. Good job, Scoots. Keep it up.

Obsessively Juvenille

2005-06-24T09:50:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Back when I was a wee lad growing up in the great U.S. of A., we valued four things and four things only:

Baseball
Hot Dogs
Apple Pie
and Chevrolet.

"Ain't that America," I'd say to myself, "home of the Free. Ain't that America for you and me."

But I can remember certain moments from my youth when some fancy lads would try to introduce fresh ideas on the playground, such as the Metric System or Soccer, and the future Limbaughs and Hannitys of this world would go apeshit. "Soccer?!" they would yell. "SOCCER!? What are you, FRENCH!?" And then they'd commence pummeling.

The same anti-European sentiment remains today. In fact, some say John Kerry wasn't electable because he was TOO FRENCH. Yet, those same people seemingly embrace Le Balle du Foote -- a game sooooooo European the professional players are paid in Grey Fucking Poupon.

I find it appalling that we've spent an entire week on a goddamned SOCCER FIELD in Prickly City. I demand an IMMEDIATE apology from Scott Stantis for teaching our children about something so European.

I mean, COME ON. Soccer is to sports as liberals are to 9/11.

Or something like that.

Chant with me, everybody!

U!S!A!
U!S!A!
U!S!A!

The S-word of Damocles

2005-06-23T11:12:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

Recently, I received no email from anyone concerning this guide to Scott Stantis's hilarious comic strip Prickly City featuring Carmen, the 8-year-old Hispanic neo-con tot who lives in a faith-based homeless shelter; Winslow, the lovable liberal coyote clown; and Dio, the devil-worshipping philosopher lizard, or in fact, any other matters. This may be because a. nobody reads this on the one day each week that I write here or b. my email address is not available for readers to send me any notes. That's fine by me, because a. I'm full of myself and feel that when I write an entry here that there is nothing further that needs to be said and that the readers should just be lucky enough to be able to absorb my knowledge and b. I would have no dependable way to sort out the desired sexy-lady emails from the hey-I-wanna-be-just-like-you-Sacki dude emails anyhow.

However, here at Shrubville we do have the comments section, and we get a good variety of folks chiming in on the day's musings. In fact, yesterday there was a quite delectable one from a young reader who goes by "B" - although it's not the B that most of us around here know. Anyhow, this B character summed up what this week's storyline is all about. Peter Gabriel. It always comes back to Peter Gabriel - he's like...the arcangel of rock or somefin.

Anyhow, in conclusion: Dick Durbin is an idiot who needs to find something more productive to gripe about; the people defending the tactics at Gitmo are obsessive juvenile idiots. Such is the balance of the cosmos, with its billions and billions and billions of stars...

Post-conclusion: You try finding something unique to say, in less than a couple of hours (while at work mind you) , when your source material is repetitive and non-sensical. Repetitive. And non-sensical.

Toady

2005-06-22T13:45:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Don't blame me. I voted for Toby.

Stantis is obviously on vacation. I wonder what Toby is up to. Does Toby have to walk Dogzilla? Does Toby have to re-stock all those markers that smell real real good? Does Toby have to pretend he's a Liberal when Stantis is out of town? Did Toby call up Dick Durbin and demand he apologize?

Just curious.

About Toby.

I'm sort of anti-curious about this week's series of strips. I hope and I pray that someday -- maybe tomorrow with Sacki -- we'll be able to make some sense of all this.

Tweakin' the Night Away

2005-06-21T11:55:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Don't look now, folks, but Stantis is doing some more tweaking today. Though -- as a Liberal -- I must say I don't feel any pressure on my nose. It could just be that Stantis is tweaking his own nipples today. (Feel good, Scott? Maybe Toby can move a little closer and you can tweak him too. Simultaneous tweaking, they call it.) Because in order to tweak my nose, dude, you gotz to make some sense. And you, sir, today, are no sense-maker. Not that sense-making is Stantis' strong suit, but still I'm often able to figure out which Neo-Con talking point he's parroting like the good little cracker-eating cracker he is. But this mascot stuff with Winslow? Winslow not wanting their team to win because he's sore about an election? Is this about Howard Dean trying to sabotage the Democrats? Is it about Liberals not wanting the US of A to win a "war"?

I just don't know.

And, I suppose you could say: I just don't care.

Nose Tweaker

2005-06-20T11:20:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
I just don't know where to begin.

I suppose we can start with Saturday. I got to listen to a new Stantis Podcast on Saturday. He seemed downright fucking cranky about all the negative email he's been getting. By the way, Stantis has his own personal Winslow on the podcast...some fellow named Toby who claims he's a Liberal. Toby seems like a nice guy and all. He's got this funny Southern accent. I ain't got nothing against Toby. You get the feeling he's Stantis' pool boy who just happens to help out on Podcast-recording day at the Stantis household. I just don't think for a minute that Toby is a Liberal. I think that's just a made-up affectation to make Stantis seem even-handed and open-minded. Stantis DETESTS the SHIT out of Liberals; he's made that really fucking clear. Stantis may refer to what he does as "tweaking [the Liberals'] noses," but, dude, Stantis, if you reach out to touch my nose again I'm going to sock you in the gut.

At any rate, Toby the Liberal said even HE was getting upset at all the name-calling the "Liberals" resort to when they're emailing Stantis. Um...Oooooooooooookay. So, like, Stantis and his boys are in power and they spend a good 75% of that power calling Liberals names, denigrating Liberals, "tweaking the noses" of Liberals, and they get mad when the Liberals fight back a little? It's just so preposterous. It's just so mind-boggling.

Though not as mind-boggling as YET ANOTHER CONGA REFERENCE.

Sunday is just the kind of shit I'm talking about. Ronald Reagan completely changed the landscape of America, he posits. Liberals used to be plenty; now they're becoming extinct, he says. Yeah, sure. The Death of the Liberal. I've seen it reported on Fox News. I've read an Ann Coulter column on it. It must be true. The right-wing media reported on it. Scott Stantis regurgitated it. Round up all the remaining liberals. Ship 'em off to some island. Play some Toby Keith over loudspeakers 24-7. Chain them to televisions which broadcast only NASCAR. Feed them Velveeta. Give them boxed wine to quench their thirst. Flush "Fahrenheit 911" down the toilet in front of them. Tweak their noses. Kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out. Amen.

And, of course, that brings us to today. It IS June 2005, isn't it? Maybe this is part of the "Best of Stantis" collection? Maybe he's on vacation? Or maybe he's just a tired, petty, little man who hasn't had a new idea since November 2004, back when he only had one idea to begin with, which was "Liberals are Stupid." Ain't that right, Toby?

Nothing

2005-06-17T09:50:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
It looks like Winslow finally tracked down his Treo that Carmen tossed over the "viewing cliff" the other week in the hysterical "When did childhood die in America?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" series. And he's talking on it! And he trips! And he falls face-first into a cactus!

Ahhhhh, there's nothing like a nothing Friday to publish your nothing little strip about nothing so your critics have nothing to say. What a wimp.

But I imagine certain events this week have inflamed Stantis' passion for attack. If I were Dick Durbin I'd be sweating right now. In 2-3 weeks time -- when the Prickly City deadline catches up -- he's sure to take a ZINGer right to the chin. That little Carmen's gonna teach you a lesson, Senator Durbin; you'd better apologize now.

Petty Little Man

2005-06-16T10:21:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

Radio-edit version summary of today's strip:

Panel 1: Blimblam.
Panel 2: Flizzumflozzum.
Panel 3: Poopityscat!
Panel 4: Crumblycakes?

In other news, we learn that Carmen has a father, and that if he is still living he must be about 74 years old. Although if he's still alive, why did he leave his daughter homeless, free to prance around in dangerous conditions with predators all about? He's the kind of dad who (if he stuck around, that is) would let her go on a trip to Aruba to par-tay when she was just 17. Developing....

Anyhow, this old coot said "he used to trust government." Curious that Nixon brought this about for him. But he's talking about Nixon circa '73. Not Nixon of the late 40's/early 50's, nor Nixon circa 1969.

But hey, who's Nixon? We've got Bush now. He's a good boy. Crazy bout Elvis. Loves Jesus. And America too. (No longer freebasin' however.)

And that's about all the crumblycakes I can blimblam for you poopityscats today.

I Have a Tummyache in My Head

2005-06-15T10:40:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Even though I'm a "liberal" and I "glom onto any fad" and I "flip-flop" quite a bit, I've never really identified with Winslow all that much until today.

"Well, now you're just making my head hurt!" Winslow says, which was my EXACT reaction upon reading Stantis' strip today.

I honestly have no clue what he's talking about.

Can anyone help me out here?

One of These Things is JUST Like the Other

2005-06-14T09:45:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
All of the below statements are from Scott Stantis except one, which comes from the mind of a lunatic on Free Republic dot com. Guess who is the lunatic.

"Linda Tripp is a hero."

"NPR is anti-Republican."

"Teddy Kennedy fucked a monkey."

"Webster Hubbell is Chelsea Clinton's father."

"Barney the dinosaur supports Hillary Clinton."

"Howard Dean is kooky."

"'Diddies' is an acceptable term for underwear."

"There's not enough conga in this world."

Bubba-n-Butch

2005-06-13T14:00:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Stantis already tried fleshing out today's Deep Throat argument in his political cartoon space. (Oh, and Scott, dude, it was sooooooooooooooo good that it BLEW MY MIND...it made my head go NUCULAR with anger! You are amazing.)

Gazing upon an inexplicable statue of Mark Felt in Washington DC labeled,

"Deep Throat

Hero: Risking all for the common good
vs.
Weasel: Petty bureaucrat getting even,"

an unnamed yokel tourist from Alabama says, "Actually, both are true."

I'm impressed Stantis actually sees the other side on this. Of course, by 'other side' I mean the normal, clear-headed side, not the frothing, lunatic Fox News side.

But I'll leave the bickering over Mark Felt to the Stantises of this world and I'll leave the Deep Throat/blow-job references to the Sackis of this world. There are much more important things to cover. Like Hillary Clinton! Better start the bashing now! 2008 is only 3 years away!

Stantis gets in a dig on Sunday, though the target is mostly PBS. (It's all the same to him.) But the best part of this weekend was the lunatic fringe salivating at the new Hillary bio that claims Chelsea was conceived when Bill raped Hillary.

For more on this, let me turn to Stantis' main audience, the good folks over at Free Republic dot com -- a collective of right-wing wackjobs commenting away...

"This could work to the Hildebeast' advantage. You know playing the victim and all."

"I wouldn't be surprised if it's true. It would be bizarre behavior for normal persons, but Bubba and Butch are far from normal, IMHO. What if he does it often and she loves it, you know, like rough sex to the extreme?"

"Who'd want to rape a lesbian? Yuck!"

"Why would anyone rape hillary? Had to be BLIND DRUNK!"

"The rape does not prevent Web Hubbell being the father, or any one of a number of fellows."

I Read the News Today oh boy

2005-06-10T11:35:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
For the love of Jebus, Scott, please adjust your crazy-pill dosage. One minute you're supporting new media such as blogs and podcasts; the next minute you're denigrating blogs and podcasts by making them the domain of the goofy, fad-happy Democrat Winslow. One minute you're giggling at Saddam's diddies; the next minute you're criticizing Winslow for giggling at Saddam's diddies. One minute you're foaming at the mouth; the next minute you're frothing out your ass.

At any rate, Carmen wants to be a political cartoonist just like her god and creator, Scott Stantis. And why not, frankly. If I could come back as anything in this world, I'd want to be a political cartoonist. You can write shit like H2Ouch and get paid for it! Or how about this classic from last year: John Kerry has lesbian parents named Massac & Husetts! Or then there's this classic from 2003 in which a monkey named The Economy rides President Bush as he takes flight with wings labeled Tax Cuts.

A day in the life of a political cartoonist...

Woke up, fell out of bed,
Took the crazy pills for my head,
Found my way downstairs and took a huff,
And looking up, I noticed I marked my nose.

Wrote a strip and sketched it out
Made a few bucks for being a lout.
I insulted PBS and Howard Dean.
(You see he screamed) and then I called it a day.

------------

Sign me up. In fact, I've just purchased my very first set of markers to huff. And goddamn do they smell good! They smell like...Stantis. Now I just need to wait until the dementia kicks in...

Pitching A Tent In the Desert

2005-06-09T10:45:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

Look at today's strip, look at yesterday's strip...scratch your head. Take a sip. Mull.

First of all, where the hell is the continuity in the storyline, if you're going to bother to have an episodic comic? The author makes Carmen the giggler on Wednesday, not Winslow, and now he's being accused of giggling by Carmen. All the while she's conveniently omitting her own involvement, because unless I'm wrong about the exchange rate, one "snicker" does not equal "giggle" + "chortle". Absolutely Nixonian is her failure to admit her complicity in this matter.

But a far more serious matter - as Clinton's trespasses were more heinous than Nixon - is in Winslow's pants. "Doggie Diddies"?! What the fuck is a diddy/ie? Not only that, but one of a doggie variety. I've spent the last 10 1/2 hours diligently researching for the possible context in which to place this absurd word/phrase, and the closest non-nonsensical definition I could find referred to "diddies" as "[a] childish name for breasts." There are also methods by which diddies can be manipulated, such as the "diddy ride" and the "diddy wank". There is no precedent for a "doggie diddie" but I imagine you good folks out there could test-drive some scenarios in which "doggie diddie" elicits a reaction of "hot diggity dog." Just don't send me any pictures. I don't need to see any of your kibbles or bits. Send 'em to Stantis.

Fundies

2005-06-08T10:20:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
If there's one thing sure to cause
the right-wing a moment to pause.
It is a thong.
Those are just plain wrong.

But if there's one thing sure to make them giggle
and laugh until they wriggle.
It is a pair of undies.
Those are funny to the Fundies.

So they will say to anyone who will listen
to the Grand Old Party of White Christians:
"Saddam in his briefs;
It's true to our core beliefs."

And Stantis will continue to write and to scribble
his unpleasant, unfunny comic strip drivel.
And I will pull a Dean.
And unleash a furious scream.

YEEAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Solid, Liquid, Gas: Warm, Damp, Vibrating

2005-06-07T11:29:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

I don't know how the eternally present weather is wherever you're at, good people, but damn if I'm not nearing the state of evaporation, if not outright sublimation. Infernal Helios, a pox on you! It's possible that Dusty Baker was onto something, as I am neither a "Latin" nor "from heat" and here I am, wilting, withering, whimpering. Altho I suppose if you're in the know, you'll claim that the heat has nothing to do with that, and it's nothing a good kick in the ass wouldn't fix. Given that the ass being kicked isn't mine, but rather that I am the ass-kicker, I'd take that prescription.

That's all fine and good, you're saying, but what about the Prickly City? While my beneficent host and Shrubville originator CJo is on assignment (more details to come - stay tuned), he's left me the keys and the responsibility to produce today's edition. I say nuts to that. I don't need that nonsense today. Something about Howard Dean, socialists, blah blah. That's great. So, like the great Dusty Baker, Stantis will go ahead and cast the big net and call it a day. Dems=Socialists. Socialists=Stalin. Dems=mass murderers.

Well, I suppose it wouldn't suit his purposes, but suppose we worked out a Shrubville equation, on his behalf. Back of the napkin type stuff, nothing complicated....
Stantis=anti-choicer. Anti-choicer=Neal Horsely. Stantis=mule-raper. Now THAT's comedy.

Damn this heat, I was tricked into actually doing up an entry today! Double-pox on you, Apollo!

YEEEfuckinAAAHHHHHH

2005-06-06T11:50:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
After two weeks of potato-spud-gunning the lib-ral media (Hey, PBS! THUD! Hey, Newsweek! THUD!), Stantis takes dead aim at Howard Dean. And out of his gun's barrel pops a little flag that says, "YEEAAAHHHHHH."

Soooooooooooooooooooo... Howard Dean yells. Howard Dean is kooky. The Republicans like that he's in charge of the Democratic Party.

Fucking brilliant, Scott. BRILLIANT!

Just as brilliant today as it was on March 19, 2005 and November 29, 2004.

Scott, your brilliance knows no bounds.

If only... if only you'd resurrect the Winslow Wants to Fly idea...

What's that?? You did?? On Sunday??

Oh, Scott Stantis, you are -- quite simply -- the man.

Flush Goes the Weasel

2005-06-03T11:10:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

After all the right-wing froth...

Triggered by a bullshit, trumped-up scandal, this is the best Stantis can do?

Isn't he supposed to be held to a higher standard since he's a political cartoonist and all?

Yeah, but that higher standard is a whole lot lower now.

POOPSIES!*

*It turns out it was in Carmen's pants, not flushed down the toilet.

Ignoreland

2005-06-02T11:15:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

I was beginning to think that my gracious host and Shrubville originator CJo was being shiftless and lazy this week, between the taking Monday off and the brevity of the logs he did burn. Once again, however, I come to realize that he's just plain genius. Getting warmer, the strips are improbably getting lamer...conserving his energy for more noble pursuits.

So today Carmen and Winslow are all argy-bargy with the 'yes you did'/'no i didn't' back and forth repartee that is of such high quality that I hear CBS is in negotiations with the creator of Prickly City to secure the rights to produce another show to put in their stable of laff-riots like "Yes, Dear" "Still Standing" and "Two Boring Married Sots With Kids Who Pray to Jeebus". Screw that noise.

What else is happening...let's see....wonder what that bitchslut Brenda Starr and her gang of slutty bitches are up to. Looks like they're doing something pervy, because it's a common fact that all Mac users are pervs, and there they are using a Mac. Plain as the hair on the palms of his hands. Now, it appears that the authors here, much like Stantis, are behind the news cycle. Although, much to their credit, Brenda Starr's writers are at least mining the Washingtoniette-style storyline and not some unfunny/unsexy bullplop about an eight-year-old girl taking a dump after overconsumption of elotes. Because I'd really like to see Stantis' take on something like "So it turns out that RS cannot finish with a condom on. He can barely stay hard. So he ends up taking it off and humping away at me." That's why he introduced Shelly, right?

WeakPrickly

2005-06-01T10:05:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Good for Scott Stantis. He makes sure any dumbass in his audience can follow his strip. Didn't get what he was saying yesterday? Don't worry; he'll repeat yesterday's strip today almost word-for-word. Dum ditty dum ditty dum dum DUMB. Consider it drummed into your head.

I'd write more but I just MUST go refrigerate my cheese. I'm a bleeding brie liberal.

Geniuses in France

2005-05-31T11:45:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
In what I'm sure Stantis considers a brilliant take-off on the "Newsweek Scandal," Carmen is accused of being a double-flusher by an unnamed source who, alas, is named in the strip. (It's Winslow, stupid!) Carmen's poo is soooo big she complains about her 'keister' being sore. And that was only on Memorial Day. (How respectful, Scott.)

Today continues the brilliance. It turns out Carmen wasn't flushing her own gargantuan waste; she was flushing a 'Fahrenheit 9/11' DVD down the terlet. And wouldn't you know it: there were "riots at cheese tastings on both coasts." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That guy SOOOOO has liberals pegged. They like cheese! Don't forget the Chablis, Scott!

And then Scott makes the magical connection between Moore-watching, Brie-eating liberals and...the French. The French!

What a dick.

Sunday's strip makes no sense whatsoever. At one point Carmen says to Winslow, "We share the same values."

That's funny. The entire basis of "Prickly City" is that Carmen and Winslow have an ENITRELY DIFFERENT set of "CORE BELIEFS" AND VALUES. Winslow sips Chablis and eats Brie. He celebrates death over life except in cases of the death penalty where he celebrates crime over punishment. Winslow believes in science at the expense of faith in God. Winslow believes in sex, especially the butt kind.

And Carmen, as we all know, is a "Conservative." This means she may not be correct but she will always be Right. And nothing else matters. Besides Winslow being wrong.

Snuffleupyourass

2005-05-27T11:35:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Oh, don't worry your ugly little head, Scott Stantis. After Michael Bolton [sic] gets rejected for the UN ambassadorship, the President will put him in charge of PBS.

Bolton will require that Bert & Ernie grow Ned Flanders-style mustaches.

And after Bolton refuses to fund the inner-city Sesame Street youth programs with tax money, Sesame Street will be all but shuttered. Bolton will mutter, "If Sesame Street lost 10 blocks, it wouldn't make a bit of difference."

So Sayeth The PeaBS

2005-05-26T11:16:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

I can't find fault with my gracious host and Shrubville originator CJo (perhaps we can see if "Mr. Pants" sticks) for his attack on the storyline this week, because it does go off the tracks at times, which we have come to expect from Prickly City lo these past 10-ish months. And I'm sure there might be some who find the scribbler's misinformation on the status of the incoming personnel at PBS to be intentional, but frankly I don't think he's sharp enough to do that. But one thing is clear: Mr. Huffer is absolutely correct in the assertion that PBS is crap, and that there's crap on other crap networks that could just as easily be consumed, perhaps in the form of a crap sandwich. Is plopping your kid down in front of the tele to watch "Mr. Rogers" because you're a lousy parent better than plopping your kid down to watch "Davey and Goliath"? No. (They both suck.)

But on the other hand, the whole "I don't want my tax dollars spent like this" rap is - while expected given his history of taking an idea too far and then completely batting it like a tetherball around the tetherball pole until it can no longer move and therefore no longer create any sort of excitement and everyone can go home muttering under their breath 'I didn't come here for this shit' - moronic. Sure, I don't need my money going to fund putrid programming like "Sesame Street," but do I really get a say in it? It's not like I get a say in whether I contribute without consent to my money being spent on ill-advised and ineffective programs teaching abstinence, or whether I get a giant suppository taxed up my ass, either. (Hey, it's a special tax...so maybe I should at least be taken out to dinner and a movie before getting the royal screwgee.)

I'm sure, however, that y'all want to avoid those unnecessary taxes that brought electricity into your area, or fund relief efforts whenever another natural disaster comes around (surely your Loard wouldn't be responsible for those - just the ones that hit 'those' people on the other continents). Aren't there other means of cooking squirrels besides the electric microwave? Or storing your leftover squirrel in the electric refrigerator? How about disaster relief - why should taxpayers not affected fund that through FEMA? Couldn't the Red Cross provide those services? Or United Way? Or Salvation Army? Or...

Glory Days

2005-05-25T10:35:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

Monday: PBS is liberal.
Tuesday: Liberals are mad because PBS is conservative.
Wednesday: PBS is liberal.
Thursday: Stantis' head explodes.
Friday: 'Mourning in America'

This stuff is making me long for the glory days of the Steroids storyline, which would now have had a much better ending than what Stantis could muster a few weeks back. Now it could have ended with Mike Piazza, New York Bottom, handing Carmen a baseball autographed by Rush Limbaugh. "It was like meeting American royalty," Piazza would say after getting Limbaugh to autograph his balls.

Carmen and Piazza would've walked off the last frame together, hand-in-hand.

Of course, the next day Carmen would scream bloody murder at the TV after Piazza made a special appearance on the 'Postcards from Buster' gayfest on PBS.

pBS

2005-05-24T11:55:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
I bet Stantis believes in Creationism. Because even I'm beginning to doubt the theory of Evolution after watching how this PBS series is evolving.

Monday: PBS is liberal.
Tuesday: Liberals are mad because PBS is conservative.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

And anyway, Stantis got some of his facts wrong. There's Kenneth Tomlinson, the Republican head of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting: check. (By the way, Tomlinson's resume includes a stint as editor-in-chief of that bastion of intelligent discussion, the summarized-article-claptrap fest, Reader's Digest.) There's William Schultz, the Republican of the two recently appointed PBS ombudsmen: check. Then there's Ken Bode, the Democrat of the two recently appointed PBS ombudsmen: WAIT. STOP.

Did Scott say "Democrat"? Hmmmm. That's funny. Because according to my sources (thanks, Furnace), Bode is "a former journalist and a fellow at the conservative Hudson Institute who last year endorsed Indiana Republican gubernatorial candidate Mitch Daniels." That sure as heck doesn't sound like a Democrat to me!

Well, maybe Scott got the order mixed-up. Maybe he meant that Schultz was the Democrat ombudsmen. Wait, no that can't be right. According to the same source, Schultz is "an avowed conservative."

Or maybe just maybe, Stantis is confused and disoriented from all the marker fumes.

If I may offer some unsolicited advice to Mr. Scott Stantis: try working in a well-ventilated area. Maybe then you'll be much more coherent. Good day, Mr. Huffer, sir.

Boys of Summer

2005-05-23T12:40:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Unbelievable, this guy. This guy is unbelievable.

His podcast was back on Saturday. There was no explanation for his absence the prior week. After his rehash of his re-hashed "childhood summers are dead in America" series, he promised this week would be a return to a more political discussion. And he hinted it was going to be hard-hitting. So I figured Bill Clinton was going to take a few shots. Or maybe some filibustering Democrats. Or maybe a swipe or two at John Kerry for old time's sake. (When I was a kid, I used to spend my summers insulting Democrats. Isn't that how kids should spend their summers, Scott?)

But much to my surprise, Scott's return to politics finds him flailing away at a soft target: PBS. PBS! And not just PBS in general, but the goddamned "Postcards from Buster" show. You know the one. From four goddamned months ago. The episode in which Buster, an animated rabbit, has the AUDACITY to visit a lesbian couple in Vermont. The episode that caused 157,537 moral majorityites to fill-out form e-mail letters to the Secretary of Education AFTER THE FACT and WITHOUT EVEN SEEING THE EPISODE (I assume), saying they supported her move to complain to PBS about the episode, which caused PBS to yank it.

Just what on earth is Stantis saying? He jokes that PBS is showing a special Barney episode in which Barney seemingly has lesbian dinosaur parents. And then he complains about PBS' "leftward skew."

Um. Uh. Didn't PBS pull the "Postcards from Buster" episode featuring the lesbians, thus kowtowing to a family-friendly Bush administration? Didn't Stantis and his ilk get exactly what they fucking wanted? To effectively 'ban' the episode from hitting the airwaves?

Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down; kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em all around. That's the RIGHT way to spend one's summer: kicking PBS with your hair slicked back and your Wayfarers on.

It's Magic

2005-05-20T11:40:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

Prickly City. It turns me upside-down.

Prickly Prickly City. It's like a merry-go-round.

Carmen decides to spend her summer just being a kid. Makes me wonder if she's going to take a break from her rather un-kid-like habit of spewing right-wing nonsense. Or maybe when she says "just gonna be a kid" she really means "march in lock-step fashion with the other Neo-Con Tots for a summer of book burning and liberal baiting, Treo smashing and trend hating."

And to top off today's strip, we get a "if you don't do [something], the terrorists win" joke. Which -- according to my calculations -- has never been funny. But even if one questions my math, it certainly hasn't been funny since 2002.

Podcast THAT, my man.

Bush Leaguer

2005-05-19T13:56:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

Ain't no cure for those Prickly City boooos.

Before we see Carmen throwing that fad-hopping donk.tax.donk coyote's Treo off the cliff, we learn that she had been signed up for a baseball clinic for the summer.

How odd, baseball in summer. It makes perfect sense to me. But to Carmen, it's as if someone were implying Chewbacca lives on Endor. Calm down, don't want to get kicked out of another homeless shelter.

Apparently, in her backwards world, summer is the absolute worst possible time to play baseball. Add in the fact that she won't even consider using any supplements to increase her chances of making the team (there's no "I don't feel like popping a pill or sleeping with a fat chick to bust my slump" in T-E-A-M, babe), she'll never learn to hit the curve and will fall victim to the Hermanator.

In next week's storyline, we'll get to see some immigrant come in to play on the team, filled with dignity, willingness and ability to work the pitcher to a favorable count in order to get a good pitch to hit take her place on the squad. That man's name? Hee Seop Choi.

Yet Another Rhetorical Question

2005-05-18T11:30:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
While the goofy liberal Winslow tries to plan Carmen's life, Carmen sits backs, heaves a big fucking sigh, and poses yet another rhetorical question: When did childhood become a scheduled event?

Look for tomorrow when Carmen asks, "Who scheduled the death of childhood in America?" followed by Friday's question, "Was Bill Clinton in office when childhood died in America which was around the same time childhood became a scheduled event?"

While Stantis flounders, please check out jackmac's perfect comment from yesterday: SCOTT STANTIS MEMORIAL HOMELESS SHELTER, DAILY SUMMER SCHEDULE FOR: Carmen, age 8. (For some reason Haloscan isn't registering the comment number, but it's there. Click on the zero.) It's good stuff.

Bye-Bye, Miss American Child

2005-05-17T10:55:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

Stantis via Carmen: When did childhood die in America?

CJo via Shrubville: When Stantis first drew Carmen the Neo-Con Tot. You think over-scheduling an 8-year-old is bad? What about making an 8-year-old a mouthpiece for your wacky right-wing ideas?

Dumber and Dumber

2005-05-16T11:30:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
I'd like to fill you'all in on the steroids story, but Stantis didn't publish his podcast on Saturday. I wonder what's up. I don't imagine he realized he has nothing further to say. If that were the case, Prickly City would've ended after the first "Liberals are Goofy" joke one week into its run.

So I guess it's up to me to piece together the steroid story of last week...

Monday: Winslow's got a boner,
Tuesday: Carmen is pressured into taking steroids by a mysterious floating arm,
Wednesday: The mysterious floating arm mentions that girls Carmen's age are taking steroids [to get a toned, sculpted look; not to hit softball HRs],
Thursday: Carmen opens her mouth wide for the steroids,
Friday: The mysterious floating arm wonders why Carmen didn't balloon up to the size of her humongous 8-year-old teammates after taking one steroid dose a day earlier.

Which brings us to Saturday's wrap-up strip, in which Carmen admits to Winslow that she never took the steroids, going into full lecture mode: steroids would be cheating; steroids are illegal. Which doesn't explain why she all-but placed the steroid on her tongue on Thursday. For what it's worth, I declare the Steroid storyline the WORST. PRICKLY. CITY. SERIES. EVER. No wonder Stantis didn't do the podcast this week. He's embarrassed.

Or maybe he's still reeling from his Hagar the Horrible crossover on Sunday. I like to think I'm pretty perceptive but that strip makes absolutely no sense. None.

And this week he's off to a blah start with some series about how kids today are over-scheduled. How cutting-edge, this guy.

Knee Deep In The Hoopla Of A Mixed Up, Muddled Up, Shook Up World

2005-05-13T10:15:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

Pop that coo...oh, wait. Pop that pill. Or don't. Whatever.

It's just that I'm not sure where this all is headed, or where it is supposed to go, or what the point to be taken is at the final destination.

1. Invoke the recent hubbub over young girls taking steroids.
2. Tie-in with professional athletes' use of steroids.
3. Call them "vitamins."
4. Marvel at how small Carmen is in relation to real "vitamin" users.

Unimpassioned rebuttal (passion is for anti-semites):

The recent news on the use of steroids by young girls attributes their popularity to the desired result of attaining "the toned, sculpted look of models and movie stars" and not to gain mass or to enhance their athletic performance. It's a purely superficial way to go from a lardass to a hardass.

As far as the ol' vitamins are concerned...what's the difference really, between Flintstones and the catch-all umbrella of 'steroids'? (By the by, it would be contrary to the function of an umbrella to be a 'catch-all' but it's so indicative of the way in which I can become confused by a comic strip. Next thing you know, girls will be boys and boys will be girls.) Anyhow...steroids are beneficial in proper doses. Vitamins and pills are harmful in improper doses. But that's just. common. sense.

Frankly, if the point to be made this week is that women should stop taking pills to make them thinner, I couldn't agree more. It's just the cheater's way out. If they're dedicated like they should be, I'd encourage them to ride the white pony. Steroids will make you thin but uninteresting, ladies, but if you want to feel like you're Marconi playing the mamba everyday the only way to go is by being a yammer bammer slammer.

Go Ask Stantis

2005-05-12T09:30:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
One pill makes you liberal, and one pill makes you small,
And the one that your Coach gives you makes you hit the T-ball.

Go ask Stantis if this makes any sense at all.

And when you hit the T-ball, you know you'll hit it far,
'Cause you're tired of being a moon, you want to be a star.

Go ask Stantis why he's being so bizarre.

When your body is shaped and chiseled, and your self-esteem is new,
Please watch out for Winslow; all he wants to do is screw.

Go ask Stantis. He'll draw it out for you.

On the Jesus Juice

2005-05-11T13:00:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Oh please.

This Stantis guy gets so hysterical it's as if he were being prodded by Tasers while in the midst of a Tourette's outburst...and makes about as much sense.

Some story hits the newswires that 9-YEAR-OLD GIRLS ARE USING STEROIDS!!!!!!! and the Right-folk, who are inclined towards hysteria as it is, go absolutely fucking apeshittingly bonkers. It starts with a Drudge headline, gets gobbled up by AM Radio, and ultimately gets crapped out onto Stantis' drawing pad.

Never mind the various questions raised about the so-called study which reported that 9-YEAR-OLD GIRLS ARE USING STEROIDS!!!!!! Once the hysteria sets in we're guaranteed a Prickly City series on the topic.

Today finds Carmen actually struggling with the issue of whether or not to take the drugs. What is this? Gil Fucking Thorp?

Anyway, in the end Stantis reminds us this is a political strip. He unleashes one of his go-to punch lines he uses when dealing with "girl issues." When the chicks are down, there's nothing more satisfying than a derisive use of "You've come a long way, baby."

I think maybe Stantis gets his news about women from the great Women Today Magazine which has a delightful little article about "Spiritual Steroids," which is required reading for Carmen at this time of her spiritual crisis. Remember, Carmen: "Knowing Christ is like taking spiritual steroids, only it's legal!"

And to that I think we can all answer a sincere and hearty: A-fucking-men.

Performance Enhancement Week

2005-05-10T14:25:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
It's Performance Enhancement Week at Prickly City. Yesterday dealt with popping a boner at the thought of a new Star Wars movie. Today it's all about popping steroids for...little league! Carmen's little league teammate or Carmen's little league coach or Winslow or even Bill Clinton is pressuring her to take the drugs.

Tomorrow we'll see Winslow exhorting her to inject steroids in her ass. He'll say, "All our favorite players are doing it. I'm a goofy liberal; I glom onto any trend. Steroids are a trend!"

And Carmen will counter with, "Just because Barry Bonds, Michael Moore, and Sean Penn use steroids doesn't mean you have to. Baseball is as American as apple pie and Chevrolet. Our nation's moral integrity is at stake."

And in the final frame of tomorrow's strip, those lovable imps the McCaughey septuplets chime in, "Please Miss Carmen...Jesus loves you and he wouldn't want you to use artificial methods to produce results. Don't make him cry."

Get Bent, Wookie

2005-05-09T11:00:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
These 'Star Wars' tie-ins are a drag indeed, Winslow. I wonder if Stantis is scoring some free tickets. The boys over at 'Fox Trot' are also using the force to promote this claptrap.

It's shaping up to be another light week. Then again -- as the Furnace is fond of pointing out -- what's he going to do? A series of strips on Tom DeLay?

Saturday was -- as Stantis himself admitted during his podcast -- SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION to get folks to listen to his weekly, four-minute, developmentally-disabled gabfest. I didn't learn much in this week's podcast other than Stantis referencing Carmen as a "neo-con tot." How cute. It's so cute I wanna puke.

Sunday finds Carmen singing the praises of a New Moral Order. That's just the sort of catchy melody to get you singing in the showers. Fellow liberals and heathens, be afraid; be very afraid.

Multimedia Extravaganza

2005-05-06T09:43:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

Today we learn a bit more about the purposeful pair from Prickly City.

In addition to being an 8-year-old Hispanic neo-con girl who lives in a faith-based homeless shelter, Carmen is retarded. (That could also be the reason she's homeless and a neo-con, but I couldn't say that definitively.) "OK, explain to me AGAIN what a podcast is, Winslow." How hard could it be to comprehend the simple nature of someone talking into a recording device and then disseminating that information for people to hear? What century is this? Who are these people?

Winslow, on the other hand, being the lovable liberal coyote clown, is a big-time pervert - AND a Mac user. (Those could also be reasons he's a liberal and a clown.) With Shelly out of the picture, and since he couldn't figure out whether to get it on front-wise or back-wise with her(?) anyhow, he's taken to the internets in celebration of National Masturbation Month. I fully expect to see a blue dress prominently displayed in the Sunday edition of Prickly City.

Well, that's it for today. What did we learn? You become a neo-con and/or homeless by being retarded; Mac users are perverts. Enjoy your Mother's Day weekend (or as Winslow calls it, MILF weekend).

Rerun

2005-05-05T11:00:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
It's the May Sweeps Period. Why is this guy running a goddamned repeat?

Oh, but it IS such an important message. There's just sooooo much media out there and no one's getting any smarter. We need to turn off all our media and enjoy nature. We really really do. But no one's listening!

Look Out, Corn Flakes

2005-05-04T00:10:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
I need to admit a couple of things here. One, I'm Catholic-ish. Two, I'm a bleeding-fucking-heart-tax-and-spend-flip-flopping Liberal.

The reason I'm making such shocking admissions is because I haven't heard one peep out of anyone giving a shit who in the hell is the new Pope. Neither my Liberal friends and family nor my Catholic-ish friends and family. No one.

No one is claiming Pope Benedict XVI should have a "secular agenda." No one is complaining that Pope Benedict XVI is making moral judgments. No one wants Pope Benedict XVI to join Teddy Kennedy, two cocktails waitresses, and a monkey in a jungle fuckfest.

That's the problem with living in the sheltered world of AM talk radio and Fox News. They hysterically invent crises to bitch about. They HAVE to. Otherwise they'd broadcast dead air.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not faulting anyone here. I understand that Stantis needs to follow their lead; otherwise he'd have a strip full of dead air too. (And, of course, by "dead air" I mean "a week's worth of strips about Shelly the turtle.")

And as I stated, the only reason we're here is because Stantis is here. If he goes, we go. Oh wait...Then it'd be GOOD if Prickly City disappeared! We could take a long-needed vacation.

But as it stands, I must now go punch the Corn Flakes box (which my Liberal side tells me is "cool" but my Catholic side tells me is shameful).

It's Character Development, Stupid!

2005-05-03T11:30:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
True story: Saturday morning I gathered the children around the computer to listen to Stantis' weekly podcast. Stantis finally shared the secret of last week's Shelly series. It turns out last week was all about "character development." It's a trick Stantis learned from reading an interview with Berkeley Breathed in a 1982 issue of Reader's Digest (or something like that...I had to adjust the antenna on my computer to get better reception on his podcast). Stantis had a non-political, light week so he could further "develop" his "characters" by having them debate which end of the turtle Winslow was supposed to screw.

Speaking of development, Stantis said that he doesn't write out a script for his podcast. Instead, he just brings with him notes to work from. "When I read from a script", he admitted, "I sound like I'm developmentally disabled."

Whaaaaaaat?

Setting aside the mean-spirted sentiment for a minute, isn't that an ultra-Political Correct way of saying "I sound like a retard"? I'm appalled he'd take the PC route. Isn't that the domain of the Liberal? What a retarded hypocrite.

Anyway, on to this week. Wouldn't 'ya know it, right on schedule (as per the Furnace's dead-on punchline schedule), yesterday it was time to kick Bill Clinton in the cigar-sniffin' nose. And though Stantis doesn't explicitly reference Ted Kennedy today, Stantis does make a crack about those who want the Pope to "look around and join the party." And we all know that by "party" Stantis means having a "drunken liaison with two cocktail waitresses and a monkey."

I wonder if the Pope 'camcords' his genitals like Paris Hilton does. I bet we find out tomorrow...

Faiku #2

2005-05-02T17:05:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

Yo! Pope Benedict
Coyote wanted to know
Does bear poop in woods?

Bi-Curiouser and Curiouser

2005-04-29T09:16:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

As this storyline continues, my mind wanders and I run across the always fascinating "La Cucaracha," which as it turns out seems to be set in the same area as Prickly City. Neighbors. Amigos. And so forth.

Seems the ol' LC has decided to take on the hot-button southwestern-desert topics that PC has sworn off since last week, until it becomes convenient again at least. So there they are, the "Minutos Hombres" - that's the Minutemen to you gringos.

I look forward to the crossover episode where the dudes the Minutos Hombres let slip through get ahold of Shelly and celebrate with a homestyle dish. Mock turtle soup isn't good enough? iAy Dios Mio!

ihumpedaturtleintherump.blogspot.com

2005-04-28T11:45:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Whoops. It's taken me two days (plus a hearty laugh at my expense from Sacki) to realize Shelly is a goddamned turtle. I swear to god it looked like a clam or some type of mollusk to me. But one can't really blame me. After all, this is Stantis' "art" we're talking about. (I wonder if he draws with his right or left foot.)

Stantis is trying to make a point here. He's trying to bring in the dreaded cu[n]lt of personality in the form of Paris Hilton and other celebrities who are "camcording every intimate moment." And as usual, this guy is a good five-hundred steps behind the times.

At any rate, I can't wait until tomorrow when Winslow decides which end to rend. Frontwise or backwise, dude. It's all good.

Winslow's Dilemma

2005-04-27T15:00:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
The horny coyote can't decide which end to penetrate.

That's not the case with Ann Coulter. Or so I hear. She prefers it "backwise" (in the parlance of Carmen). All according to this naughty naughti naughté site passed on to me by Mr. Sacki of Shrubville.

Pink Clam

2005-04-26T15:05:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
I can't say this was entirely unexpected.

He's done it before.

In the absence of anything to bitch about, Stantis introduces a new character.

We saw it on January 4, 2005, when Dio tongued his first bug.

Today's fresh meat is Shelly, the pink clam -- the object of Winslow's lust.

I shudder to think what Stantis has in store for them.

Treacly City

2005-04-25T12:50:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Stantis is serious about removing politics from his strip. At least until there's some national crisis when he'll be called to action by Hannity and Coulter to muddy-up some Democrats. Until then we're being subjected to...Winslow falling in love. I can't wait to find out if it's another coyote or if it's a human that Winslow has his eye on. Knowing Stantis' proclivity towards unnatural acts between humans and animals, I'm guessing the latter.

Saturday is more of the same Winslow Wants to Fly Bullshit that we were subjected to in the latter half of last week. The less comment the better.

I suppose he does dip his toes in the political waters on Sunday with a strip that answers the question, "What will Carmen and Winslow look like at 95-years-old?" and begs the question, "What can this possibly add to the social security reform debate?" which can be answered with, "Not a thing. But it's just the kind of meaningless babble that sells the Sunday syndication rights. Cha-ching."

Huff the Magic Marker

2005-04-22T09:20:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Sketch pad.

Felt-tip markers.

Bottle of airplane glue.

"Sounds like a strip idea."

Podcrap

2005-04-21T10:45:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Let's all take a moment and give special thanks to Mr. Sacki for his four-day Shrubville hitting streak, in which he never missed a single pitch and all his hits were for extra-bases.

I spent the last couple of days sitting on a "viewing cliff" in the desert, pondering life. Just like Carmen and Winslow today!

No, no, that's not a typo. I used the term "viewing cliff." Yes, that IS what it's called. I learned that from Scott Stantis in his weekly Podcast. No, no, that's not a typo...Stantis has a weekly Prickly City Podcast available for streaming on the uComics web site. It is, in a word or two: fucking awesome. I encourage you to listen.

He spends a couple of minutes talking about the previous week's series of strips, letting us know his intent. He coins new phrases -- like "viewing cliff." And then he reads some email, concentrating on the negative ones (which amount to variations of "you are the suckiest suck who ever did suck"). It is a valuable tool in understanding the tool...er...uh...Scott Stantis.

I'd like to leave on this very important note: There's not enough conga in this world, people! (I can't wait for the Podcast on that!)

Faiku #1

2005-04-20T10:28:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

Comprehending not
Scribbles appear on the page
He is in control

B.J. and the Bare

2005-04-19T10:43:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

To my surprise, here I am following the 'in my skin' storyline. Granted, this is probably to your dismay. Not that the storyline is continuing, but rather that I'm the one put on the beat. Take it from me - I'd rather have CJo here too, but whatya gonna do? Anyhow, if y'all stay tuned, maybe I'll mention CJo again. Which should please you all.

And this brings us to today's strip, in which Winslow rambles on about tattoos and piercings and plastic surgery as if they were the new national sports. Of course, as I mentioned yesterday, everyone knows that the number one sport in high school is blowjobs. Which is, in my humple (sic) opinion, preferable to the handjobs the strip-writer enjoys.

But thanks to the fine work of our pal CJo, we see that much like the oft-relied-upon 'pulling the plug' storyline or the 'Dan Rather is a lib-ral' storyline or the 'Michael Moore is fat' storyline, the 'we've all got our own skins (and my favorites are tato)' thread gets a tight fist around it when inspiration is lacking.

I can't wait till tomorrow when Dio zaps a fly with his tongue. Winslow will chide him, and Carmen will remind him that picking off flies is what lizards do. In the last panel, Winslow will then tear Carmen limb from limb, because well, that's what coyotes do.

Muskrat Love

2005-04-18T14:12:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

Girls in thongs, bestiality - Prickly City has covered this ground previously. Today's strip, however, combines the best of the you've-got-your-peanut-butter-in-my-chocolate goodness of both. That's right, a little bit of fresh material. Unusual? Yes. Unexpected? No doubt. A pleasant change of pace? For reals.

What's new in Prickly City? Furries! That's right, we've got a furvert storyline. My word, this is a revolutionary day for the family comics. I can just imagine some furvert getting all worked up and 'punching his corn flakes' thinking about Carmen as a muskrat. Making muskrat love.

Perhaps I'm offbase on all this, tho. It's impossible to predict where storylines go in Prickly City, or if they even go on at all. This might just turn out to be a story about ordinary ol' bee-jays, as the strip tries to capture the point of view of young people. Because you know what young people are doing out there? Blowjobs!

Sometimes Charlie Does Surf

2005-04-15T11:23:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S TRIP

Stantz drops the bomb today, begging off the discussion of politics that he's constantly bringing up in order to tell us that we need to get over bringing up. The horror.

I lack the energy to react to that in any meaningful way, so today you'll get to see what the man behind the once-a-week posts finds non-politically amusing, because it needn't be political to be so, something Stantz seemingly fails to understand. Comics=haha.

Tronguy. What can be said about Tronguy, Jay Maynard, that hasn't already been said? "OMGWTF! Here's a fine figure of a man in a TRON costume. I wonder if he has a GF...." "Do you think you are a nerd? You aint got nothin on this guy." "OMFG! Jay Maynard's TRON costume is tight! Werd!" And appropriately, "I don't think there's much that needs to be said."

A Day In The Life of Miss McDonald. Staying on the costume front, here's a little blog where, for some reason, a gal in the Philippines dresses up as Ronald McDonald's female double and goes out in public for photos. Oddly enough, they all appear to be on the up n' up.

Tokyoflash. This is turning into a stream of consciousness trip here, as we remain on the far side of the Pacific. What fine, fun, watches are these. Fine and fun but also impractical and retarded. If anybody feels like getting me one, I wouldn't object.

Do the Schiavo. More retarded fun; I sense a theme here. In the spirit of Stantz' apolitical talk, it really doesn't matter what side of the debate you fall on or if you even have a side. Brought to you in the spirit of that old classic Do the Lynndie.

Trying to get into the mind of Stantz to locate what he might find useful and humorous in his comic strip haha endeavour, here's a week's worth of material for Winslow, Carmen, and even Dio.

And yes, although this was a hack column, I will maintain my goal of one day becoming as good as Lesko.

Until then...

Prickly City - Politics = Bye Bye, Dummy

2005-04-14T12:50:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Today Scott does the old We Won't Talk About the One Topic [Politics] That is the Only Topic We're Capable of Talking About Which We Won't Realize Until We STOP Talking About the One Topic [Politics] and Endure a Few Minutes of Uncomfortable Silence bit.

It's tired and stale.

And anyway, if Scott removes "politics" from Prickly City then we'll be stuck with strip-after-strip of Dio flicking his tongue at bugs and remarking that it tastes like chicken.

Actually, that might not be a bad idea. Then Prickly City would be dropped from newspapers like a hot potatoe [sic]. And then I could read the comics every morning without wanting to punch the Corn Flakes box.

Pride (In the Name of Love)

2005-04-13T14:15:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
You know what's chafing Stantis' rawhide today? Pie-throwing liberals. In fact, he's so chafed he published a politcal cartoon on the topic last week, in which a tattooed, pierced, goateed, do-rag-wearing hippie with a peace sign t-shirt throws a pie at a neck-tied conservative speaking at a "Campus Free Speech Symposium." Funny fucking stuff.

Anyway, Stantis' point is -- and it's shared by fellow marker huffer Ann Coulter, whose name is dropped in today's strip -- that liberals, for being such proponents of tolerance, don't practice what they preach when it comes to conservative commentators.

I suppose those huffers do have a point. Liberals throw pies and steal newspapers to disrupt conservative claptrap. Those naughty naughty boys and girls. Naughty naughty. Naughty naughty.

But thank goodness they don't disrupt things the CONSERVATIVE way. You know, with fire bombs and the like. Just like in Birmingham, Alabama -- home of Scott Stantis.

Masters of War

2005-04-12T12:20:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
"In the Culture War, we all have our WMDs," says Carmen.

It's appalling, but it really is a "war" for these social conservative people, isn't it. And they're fighting it on all fronts, Culture being only one of many.

On the Culture front, you've got Sex, Nudity, and "Swears" in the media being listed as a the top three threats to our nation's purity. Yet Violence in the media gets a big, fat, fucking free pass from the social conservatives. Especially in movies graphically depicting lancing of the side, crowning of the thorns, and nailing to the cross.

Carmen also wonders when everyone's "sensitivity-o-meter" got "turned all the way up."

I have an easy answer, little lady. When you and your fucking ilk declared war on our culture.

Now run off and tell your troops that I used the word "fuck" twice. It is, after all, a WMD -- a Word Most Disturbing to your sensibilities.

Pooter

2005-04-11T15:50:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Here he goes again trying to drum up some outrage over nothing at all. His guys have the Executive Branch, the Legislative Branch, the Judicial Branch, and the media. And it's still not enough for him. He wants to squash any remaining dissent, even if said dissent DOESN'T EVEN EXIST. (Yeah, I've seen "liberals" walking around wearing "Impeach Bush" T-shirts every-fucking-where, man. EVERYWHERE!!!)

But I suppose that's what you get for starting a conservative-based comic strip in times of unprecedented conservatism. You can't just have your characters sit around talking about how great things are. You gotta invent stuff, especially if you expect your strip to last. For example, the great Lynn Johnston of "For Better or For Worse" is always making up stupid shit for her characters to do. Like on Saturday Ellie is having problems with her sphincter. Sounds like a good topic for a strip! Poor John. I bet Ellie poots (that's Canadian for "break wind") in the bed all night long. (Sunday is a fun FBOFW too, if only for the fact that John mounts Ellie from her pooting behind in the eighth frame.)

Or, you could just rip off your own political cartoon. Look at Saturday's Prickly City and compare with Stantis' polical cartoon from 3/29/05. Who won, Scott? You did. Two birds with one stone.

On Sunday Stantis kills Dio once again. We can only hope and pray this time it's for real.

I Got My Boots Dusty

2005-04-08T10:43:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP

So you wanna be a cowboy, eh?

For the past week, we've been subjected to lessons on how to undermine the government that have been ongoing since at least April, 1861. Yes, let us be done with judges. There is only one Moral Code, and any diversion from that course will result in a swift, hard THUMP! (You've gotta love that linking back ONE WHOLE DAY in case you aren't able to keep up with the swift, hard daily posts.)

That's an excellent point made today, though. We can't have judges. Who judges the judges? While we're at it, let's get rid of the cops. Who will police the police? Referees in football? Get em outta here. Refer to the opening of "The Last Boy Scout" for proper, ahem, execution of the rules.

Umpires in baseball? Gone. I remember a game I saw once where Cary Woods, the pitcher for the Chicago Tribune, set a record for striking out 10 times in one game. You know whose fault that was? The umpire. His response? "F Woods." We can't stand for that. Who umps the umps? Surely, they're not infallible. Or are they?

Inside the Moral Kiosk

2005-04-07T11:10:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
In the world according to Carmen, it all comes down to the Moral Code for the New Millennium. Or, as the only Google hit for that implores us to ask, What Would Junk Yard Dog Do? Apparently, JYD would've "THUMPED" Carmen's ass instead of WHAPing her. Either way, it's a victory for Activist Judges everywhere.

So to all you Judge Dreads and Judge Roy Beans out there, please keep up the good work. Rule for death, not life. Rule for gays, not straights. Award billions of dollars to ambulance chasers like John Edwards. It's the Moral Code for the New Millennium!

And it pisses Carmen off.

THUMP!

Whap that Whip

2005-04-06T14:35:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
In what might be the best. Prickly City. ever. Winslow pounds the WHAP out of Carmen for two straight frames. I've been dreaming of doing the same thing since last July when I first saw her little know-it-all mug polluting my morning paper.

Anyway, Activist Judge looks like a kick-ass game. I'd much prefer that to Carmen's game: Strict Constructionist Judge. Talk about boring. In that game you hit the U.S. Constitution repeatedly with the Bible until you are convinced the Constitution should be taken as the literal word of God. Then you shave Justice Scalia's back.

Who?

2005-04-05T14:30:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Winslow returns his Moses suit for a robe and a gavel. You see, dear readers, Winslow is now dressing as an Activist Judge Playing God. Or maybe he's in line to be the next Pope and that's not a gavel but his trusty silver hammer.

Either way, it's a crap-ass strip. It's a waste of paper.

If only something important would happen to liven this up a bit.

Like, for instance, John Kerry coming back into the news.

Empty Head, Empty Strip, Combien Reaction

2005-04-04T11:55:00.000-05:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Someone please get out the silver hammer to bang on Stantis' head to determine if he's merely sleeping or, in fact, dead. In the most confusing bit of out-of-order publishing yet, today goes back to the Winslow-Denying-Food-to-Carmen thing after it was wrapped up last Thursday with its Shame-on-Hollywood angle. As you may recall, Friday was a John Kerry joke. And after a weekend of filler material, he's now trying to milk the euthanasia teat for a couple more drops. It's empty, Scott. Now point to your head and tell us the abbreviation for mountain...Yep, that's M-T too.

Chopping Broccoli

2005-04-01T10:05:00.000-06:00

TODAY'S STRIP?

Note: When first viewed this morning, Prickly City's Friday, April 1, 2005 strip consisted of four panels. However, when going back to link to it for the convenience of you, dear readers, it seems to have disappeared. I can only reckon that a new timely strip is being scribbled out to capitalize on recent news. So, for your convenience, dear readers, a recap of the glory that mine eyes have seen. In the first panel, Carmen and Winslow are sitting on the giant mushroom formerly occupied by the hookah-smoking catepillar from Alice in Wonderland, which they obtained through eminent domain. Carmen, bride of Winslow, as foretold in the book of Esther, I mean Madonna, no, I mean...I'm confused. The American Catholic turned British Kabbalist what played that South American songstress who fetched Henry Higgins' slippers? How can we trust her, everyone knows the path to true enlightenment is through giving 50% of your paycheck to L. Ron Hubbard to fight the Space Invaders. Anyhow, Carmen's saying something stupid about John Kerry making a comeback, like he's LL Cool J or something. Then the following two panels are your standard Stantis fillers, with no dialogue being uttered. Of course, this is all for the sake of delivering the big punch line that will leave us laughing, and thinking, and then laughing again, and then thinking some more, and then laughing until we can't think. Winslow, husband of Carmen, and pantsless as decreed in the book of Duck, Donald, goes on to deliver the knockout - "Who?" Exeunt.

I'm sure if you have a hard copy of your local paper, and your local paper is stupid enough to fork out some cash to subsidize the crap that is Prickly City, then you can probably see what I'm talking about. If not, enjoy the silence.

UPDATE: Today's strip has been re-posted online and I captured the link this time. Then again, if they decide to yank it once more, what use is capturing a broken link? Anyhow: TODAY'S STRIP!

Hawk Harrelson Calls a K

2005-03-31T11:00:00.000-06:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Yeah, so it turns out this week was just a coincidence after all. He's not ripping his strips from the headlines. This hasn't been about Schiavo (at least not yet). In typical Stantis fashion, it takes him four days to get to the melody of the tune he's banging out on a pot with his wooden spoon. And as usual, it sounds like clang, bang, scrape, thud.

He's still dealing with the friggin' Oscars for chrissakes. And we all know what this dude thinks of Hollywood. All those drunken, barfing, pedophilic Hollywood types awarded "Million Dollar Baby" an Academy Award! Call Michael Medved! Call Rush Limbaugh! Call Sean Hannity! The drunken, barfing, pedophilic Hollywood elite are trying to make euthanasia COOL! We must stop them! And that coupled with Hunter S. Thompson's suicide!? Death is the new black! Especially in liberal circles. Because, you know, according to Stantis, liberals are goofy and big-hearted, and they glom on to any fad.

So while Stantis is off on another crusade to crucify liberals for "trendiness" or some other thing which rubs him the wrong way, poor Carmen fondly reminisces about her deceased mother and father before she storms out of the frame back to her faith-based homeless shelter/orphanage. It's OK, Carmen. It was a tough choice. You did what you thought was best.

Jesus Gonna Be Here

2005-03-30T13:40:00.000-06:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Big yawn.

Winslow brings up ye olde "playing God" angle...As in "choosing to remove one's life support is playing God. That's not our job as humans. Our job is to submit to God's will like we submit to our husbands. If God wanted to remove Schiavo from life support, God would do it himself. That's his job. Maybe He could do it when goes to collect his dead son from Schiavo's hospital bedside."

Of course I don't need to tell you all that if someone didn't get all Timothy Hutton on David Duchovny's ass 15 years ago, Schiavo would not be alive today to serve as a prop for holding up Jesus' cross. (Yes, I'm going to link to the "cartoon" until Jesus makes me stop. Or Stantis' lawyers.) But I'm not Michael Medved. So what do I know.

Stantis finishes it all off today with a crack about whether or not one is allowed to believe in God followed by a dig at the dreaded P.C. Police by referring to God as a woman, which causes Carmen to bury her face in her hands and, presumably, weep. Now if Carmen could just make it to Schiavo's bedside, she could weep at the feet of Jesus. Then Carmen could use her beautiful hair with her two-inch part to dry Jesus' feet. You know, just like that chick Gospel writer who never gets any screen credit.

She?! Pfft.

Smarch Sadness

2005-03-29T12:15:00.000-06:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Seemingly more upset that his boys in Alabama lost in Round Two of the NCAA tournament to Arizona than he is about Terry Schiavo, Stantis continues his flippant dismissal of the issue, taking a much different approach than his hysterical brothers-in-arms-for-Christ. Where are the cheap shots at Democrats? Where's the Jesus imagery? Where's the Death figure riding the Democrats...

Oh wait. Hold on a minute.

Maybe the Prickly City deadline is still too far in advance for him to make a coherent (ha) statement on the issue. If that's the case, expect the shitstorm to hit the fan next week. This week, we just have his twinkle-toes approach.

To find out how he REALLY feels, we gotta dig up his political cartoons. And there certainly are some doozies.

March 22, 2005: A big, fat Democratic donkey wonders why people are going through all the trouble to keep Schiavo alive; she's not on Death Row!

March 27, 2005: Easter Sunday. A-dying-on-the-cross Jesus who has leaped forward in time to Schiavo's hospital room asks his Father (that God fellow) to forgive "them." (Wait a minute, didn't Big J rise from the dead on Easter Sunday? What's he still doing on the cross? "On the Third Day he rose again from the dead; he ascended into heaven, etc." so says the Apollo Creed.)

March 29, 2005:
A big, fat Death figure with a monogrammed cloak ("Culture of Death") rides a Democratic donkey, who was on his way to save the life of a Death Row inmate when Death hopped on for a ride.

So there you have it.

All that's missing is a jab at activist judges... Oh wait... THERE it is...

March 19, 2005: This judge is soooooo activist... "How activist is he?!" He is sooooo activist that he drove to the hospital and pulled out Schiavo's feeding tube himself!

Good Humor

2005-03-28T11:45:00.000-06:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Putting the Cum in Compassionate Conservative, today finds Stantis joking about taking away Carmen's (government-aid) food. Maybe it was funny on the drawing board in his home studio in Bucketville, Alabama. But here in the real world, taking away one's food supply -- removing one's feeding tube, if you will -- is nothing to joke about. This is Act-of-Congress serious! Especially now that Schiavo has received her Last Rites and a little bit of the blood of Christ on her tongue. (So far, all attempts by ten-year-old-pawns-of-their-parent's-beliefs to drown her with water have been squashed.)

I can't wait for tomorrow's strip when Nancy Pelosi, Teresa Heinz Kerry, and Teddy Kennedy all sit around with Winslow eating Carmen's potatoe [sic] chips. Those Democrats are so anti-life.

Sunday answers the question: Where in the heck is Dio? He's slipping on the sliding ice. In the desert. Because Winslow has a zamboni. Har.

Saturday ends the P.E.S.S storyline with an inevitable whimper. An Ohio recount? Impeach Rove? Impeach Laura? Impeach Brit Hume? Wha? Huh? Gah? Snuh? If -- five months later -- a Democrat were to have an impeachment fantasy it would to be impeach YOU, Mr. Stantis.

It wouldn't be about the humor, it'd be about lying about the humor.

J. Fred Muggshots

2005-03-25T10:31:00.000-06:00

TOADY'S STRIP

No style, no substance, no subtlety...but a damn fine check for syndication. Good job, ChimChim. Long live your ad hominem attacks - bite Nancy Pelosi on the arm as if she were a latter-day Martha Raye; break out in a shit-flinging tantrum; smoke some wacky tobaccy. Intelligent design gave you those abilities, so show some thanks to your intelligent designer by not wasting your gifts.

But for heaven's sake...stay away from Teddy Kennedy....

Birth, School, Work, Life

2005-03-24T11:50:00.000-06:00

TODAY'S STRIP
I've got to hand it to Stantis today. While he's lounging in Branson, Missoura listening to Andy Williams ("I didn't think he'd do 'Moon River' and then BAM - third encore") over his bucket-friendly Spring Break, he managed to come out in support of the Culture of Life right when the movement needed him the most. He may not mention Schiavo by name and he may not actually mention the word life; however, he's not allowing the November '04 election to die. You might even say he sneaked the dying joke a glass of water. Bravo, Scott. Three cheers for LIFE: HIP HIP HYDRATE.

Stantis also gives new life to teasing Teresa Heinz [Kerry]. Hey, Scott: shove it.

PAASsion of the SoChrist-Cons

2005-03-23T09:40:00.000-06:00

TODAY'S STRIP
Jeebus Effin' Christo. That's the stupidest, most off-target, most DATED piece of crap yet from Stantis. Hope you're enjoying your Spring Break, you bum.

But his "P.E.S.S." brings to mind PAAS, which makes me wonder why he has yet to come out swinging in defense of Easter. Granted, he has four days to take a shot -- Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Better Saturday, and Easter "Best" Sunday -- but he's running out of time. As you may know, one of the most important issues out there right now for the Social Christian Conservatives ("SoChrist-Cons") (as evidenced by Sean Hannity going ape) is that the heathen Sally Seculars are renaming the Easter Bunny something dastardly like the Spring Bunny.

I can understand the SoChrist-Cons getting very upset at this. After all, the Easter Bunny died on the Cross for our sins. The Easter Bunny -- with his crown of thorns, his lanced side, his bloody wrists, his bloody feet, his whip marks -- is an enduring symbol of Easter. He goes hippity-hop, drippity-dropping blood all over the candy he delivers. Mmmmm...sacrilicious.

In the name of the Father, the Bunny, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.